Season's Grievings: Navigating loss during the holidays
The holiday season is often associated with joy, celebration, and togetherness. But for those dealing with grief and loss, the holidays can feel like an overwhelming reminder of what’s missing.
Whether it's the loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or even the loss of a sense of normalcy, the festive season can bring feelings of sadness, loneliness, and longing.
If you're grieving, it can be hard to find comfort in what’s meant to be a joyful time. And if you're supporting someone who is grieving, it can be challenging to know how best to help. The good news is that there are strategies for both grievers and those who support them to make the holiday season a bit more manageable. By acknowledging the pain, adjusting expectations, and showing compassion, we can navigate this difficult time with grace.
Acknowledge Your Grief Grief doesn't go away just because it's the holiday season. Trying to push it aside in favor of “holiday cheer” can often intensify feelings of isolation and sadness. It’s important to recognize that it's okay to feel down during a time typically filled with joy. Grief is personal, and there is no “right” way to grieve. Allow yourself to feel what you feel, without judgment.
Set Realistic Expectations: The holiday season often comes with expectations—decorating the house, attending parties, cooking big meals, and buying presents. This can feel overwhelming when you're grieving. Consider scaling back on these activities. You don’t have to fulfill every tradition or attend every gathering. Allowing yourself to step back and say no is an essential part of self-care during this time.
Create New Traditions: If the old ways of celebrating feel too painful, it’s okay to try something new. Start small by changing one aspect of your usual holiday routine—maybe you prefer to keep the lights dim or light a candle for your loved one in a quiet moment of reflection. Embrace new activities that feel meaningful to you. Whether it’s volunteering, creating a personal ritual of remembrance, or simply spending a quiet day in reflection, creating new traditions can help you honor the past while also moving forward. Similarly, permit yourself to continue old traditions too!
Take Time for Yourself: Grief can be exhausting, and the holidays can amplify that exhaustion. Make sure to prioritize your own well-being by giving yourself permission to rest. Whether it's taking a walk, reading a book, or just being alone for a while, give yourself the space you need to recharge. Taking a break is not selfish; it’s a necessary step in healing.
For supporters, How do you help a loved one through grief during the holidays?
Be Present, Not Perfect: If you’re supporting someone who is grieving, remember that you don’t need to have all the answers or "fix" their grief. Simply being there for them can be the most important thing you can do. Acknowledge their pain without trying to make it go away. Listening with empathy and offering a shoulder to lean on can provide more comfort than any words you might say.
Respect Their Boundaries: Grieving individuals may have different needs or desires during the holidays. They might want to participate in activities or may feel the need to opt out. It’s essential to respect their boundaries. For example, don’t pressure them to attend family gatherings or celebrate in the same way they used to. Let them guide what feels comfortable for them.
Offer Practical Help: Grief can make even the most basic tasks feel monumental. Offering specific help, like preparing a meal, running errands, or helping with holiday decorations, can provide much-needed relief. A simple gesture of kindness can lift some of the burden, allowing the person to focus on their emotions and healing.
Acknowledge the Loss: Sometimes, people avoid talking about the loss for fear of upsetting the grieving person. However, acknowledging the loss—whether through a simple "I'm thinking of you" or mentioning the loved one—can provide comfort. Ignoring the grief or pretending everything is normal can make the person feel even more isolated. Let them know you remember and care.
Be Flexible and Patient: Grief doesn’t follow a predictable timeline, and it’s important to be flexible in your support. Your loved one may have good days and bad days, and that can change rapidly. Be patient and allow them to move through their grief at their own pace, whether that means allowing quiet time or offering a distraction when needed.
Check-In Frequently: The holiday season can be especially lonely for grievers, so checking in regularly is a small but impactful way to offer ongoing support. A simple phone call or text can make a huge difference. It shows your loved one that they are not forgotten and that you're there for them, not just during the holiday season, but throughout their grieving process.
The holiday season can bring both beautiful memories and painful reminders of loss. Whether you're grieving a loved one, a relationship, or a sense of normalcy, it's crucial to approach this time of year with self-compassion and realistic expectations.
For those navigating grief, remember to honor your emotions and take things one step at a time. It's okay to scale back on traditional activities, create new rituals, and prioritize rest and self-care. Reach out for support when needed, and know that it’s okay not to be okay during this season. For those supporting someone who is grieving, your role is to be present, patient, and understanding. Offer practical help, acknowledge the loss, and respect boundaries, allowing your loved one to grieve at their own pace. The most important thing you can do is to remind them they are not alone.
This holiday season, remember that there are resources available to help individuals and families cope with grief and mental health challenges.
If you or someone you know is struggling, consider reaching out to one of the following organizations for additional support
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) or text 988
Provides 24/7 support for individuals experiencing emotional distress, including during the holidays.GriefShare: www.griefshare.org
A support group network that offers resources, grief support groups, and personal guidance to help individuals during their grieving process.The Compassionate Friends: www.compassionatefriends.org
Offers support to parents and families grieving the loss of a child, with resources for coping through the holiday season.Mental Health America: www.mhanational.org
Provides resources on mental health, including how to manage anxiety, depression, and grief, especially during the holidays.National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): www.nami.org
NAMI offers a wide range of mental health resources, including crisis services and local support groups for anyone affected by mental illness or grief.